Do I Have To?

I have officially limited my children to only asking me this question once a day. With 4 kids, four times is enough.
"Do I have to do my reading?"
"Do I have to practice piano?"
"Do I have to do my chores?"
and on and on...if I let it.

I once heard you should replace the "have to" with "get to". Then it would be "Do I get to do my chores?" Nice in theory, but if you had that perspective, you wouldn't be asking the question in the first place.

Have I totally missed creating a passion for learning and growth in my children?
Why aren't they jumping out of bed in the morning excited to expand their minds and learn about God's creation? How badly have I messed this homeschooling thing up?

Then I ask myself, what is the heart issue here?
When children ask if they have to do something it is because they would rather do something else. It is because the task seems mundane or meaningless or difficult.
Wait a minute...that sounds familar...
"Ugh. Do I have to make dinner?"
"Ugh. Do I have to fold the laundry?"
"Ugh. Do I have to clean the bathrooms?"
Okay, so I don't say these things out loud, but I do think them. I think them, but then I do the tasks because I have to. And on a good day I'll even remember to do it "as serving the Lord rather than men". Those days rock, because then I find the hidden joy in the mundane.

How do I teach my children to find the hidden joy in the mundane? How do I get them out of the "do I have to" mode and into the "this is the day that the Lord has made" mode?

I start most mornings with prayer and the Book, which gets my heart and mind in line for the day. If my children are getting out of bed and getting right into school without taking time to get in the right mindset, it is no wonder they end up with a bad case of the "do I have to"s.
As the provider of their education, I need to make sure it is 1) engaging 2) at their level and 3)meaningful. As their mom, I need to make sure they have the opportunity to start each day by acknowledging and thanking their Lord.

Hopefully, when they dwell in the knowledge that God has given them these opportunities to homeschool and to learn and to develop skills and to contribute to house and home...hopefully, they will embrace the day and find the joy in the mundane.

Let me encourage you to take the time during the first part of your day to read the Bible and pray with your children. Equip and enable older kids to do it on their own. It is the best way I have found to rid my house of the "do I have to" syndrome.

What's Your Superpower?

Currently, my kids are all about The Avengers. They are making up sequels, creating costumes, and constantly debating which character they would most like to be. Some may say that it's a frivolous use of summer hours. Not me. Anything that engages the active imagination and spurs creativity in children is okay in my book. They have made Thor's hammer out of a box and duct tape. Captain Americas shield was created with a plastic lid and paper and markers. They make up endless stories of good conquering evil, of bad guy powers that get overcome by the strength of the heroes. Imaginations are an amazing gift. Sometimes, however, the more reality we have to deal with, the more our creative imagination can get squeezed out. This is true for me. The longer my to-do list is, the less likely I am to sit and help Thor save the Barbies from the evil dragon monster. Even though my things may be urgent and important, so is being a part of my child's world. Note to self: Don't miss out on the real summer fun. Discover your superpower and dive into some play with your kids.

What God has Purposed

Has anyone called you a control freak? I prefer to think of it as being a willing decision maker. Moms make tons of decisions that effect the others in our home all day long. What’s for breakfast, what chores need done, who’s allowed to do what, who gets punished and how…the list goes on and on and on. The important decisions are made with your spouse, and together as a team you have established most of the order of your home. But still, think about how many decisions you make each day for your family. It’s mind blowing. 

Sometimes I think that if I can perfectly control what is in my grasp to control, then God will be able to work out the rest. If I get my kids in the right activities, use the right curriculum, give them the right amount of responsibility…then…then they will walk in God’s will and clearly decipher His plan for their lives. If I can carry out my will, then God will be able to carry out His. Incredibly. Flawed.  Thinking.  

This is the same wrong mindset that let’s us think that one wrong move on our part will forever mess up our kids. Or one wrong curriculum will mess up their education.

No. We cannot mess up what God has purposed. We have nothing to boast about. No decision we make can mess up God’s plan. No decision your husband makes can mess up God’s plan. God always has a back up. He is NOT counting on you. Isn’t that a relief? 

It is for me because, quite frankly, I am full of flaws. If God’s plan really did rest on me, then watch out because I’ve already dropped the ball in a dozen ways since lunch.  

He doesn’t need us. We need Him and THAT is always the order of things.  

But how does that work? Does anything we do have any consequence, any meaning? Of course. Everything we do has consequences (good and bad) – but what we do cannot thwart God’s purpose.  

Our purpose remains the same. Bring glory to God. We were made by Him, for Him. He desires to use you to fulfill His purpose in the lives of those around you. It’s all Him…he enables you, gives you strength and wisdom…you have nothing to boast about. It’s not about you.

And that can be hard for a control freak to remember.

Get Ready for Advent

If you are like me, the advent wreath may seem like a big religious mumbo jumbo mystery.  What do the candles represent? Why are they purple and pink, and why do people light the pink one on the third Sunday? A simple google search can clear up most of those questions, and provide lots of rich history about advent celebrations.

As with many traditions, observing advent is a beautiful opportunity for worship and intimacy with Christ. Fussing about a ritual, and worrying about if you are doing it right, is not what advent is about.

It’s about anticipating the arrival of our Savior.

Unlike past years, I am prepared to start our observance of the advent season on time when it starts this Sunday.
Wreath, check.
Candles, check.
Scripture readings, check.
Children excited about lighting candles, check.

Our advent time will likely happen after dinner and look something like this: Light the candle/s, short prayer, scripture reading, story, prayer. We plan on praying for the families of whatever Christmas cards we receive that day as part of that prayer. Then we will do a family activity. I am making a chain of loops of 28 red an green paper strips. On each one I will write the scripture for the day and the family activity. Each day a child will tear off one of the links and another will read the activity (because I have 4 kids, I need four jobs: lighting the candle, blowing out the candle, tearing the link, and reading the link).  The activities work into our schedule, and many are things we already regularly do this time of year. Doing it this way just makes it more purposeful.

Here are the activities I'm planning on. These are not all my own ideas, they come from lots of discussions with other moms and from looking around online.

Things to do as a family during your time of advent:

1)       Send a package to a military service member

2)       Wrap 24 Christmas books and let your kids choose one to read each night of the Advent.

3)       Have a picnic under the Christmas tree

4)       Make gifts for teachers

5)       Bring a plate of goodies to your local fire station or police station with a thank you note

6)       Make a Christmas tree out of legos

7)       Drive around and see Christmas lights

8)       Put on Christmas music and dance

9)       Have your children box up some toys to give to Goodwill

10)    Find your old coats that still have some wear and donate them to a coat drive or ministry.

11)    Make Christmas ornaments

12)    Find a needy family to bless with 12 days of gifts (anonymously) – or a one time basket of gifts

13)    Ring the bell for the Salvation Army

14)    Watch videos from past Christmases

15)    Stuff a small stocking and drop it off at someone’s door as a surprise

16)    Talk a walk around your neighborhood in the dark.

17)    Write a list of 10 things you are thankful for

18)    Take food to a local food pantry

19)    Make a homemade Christmas card for someone special and send it

20)    Take a special treat to a neighbor

21)    Decorate Christmas cookies

22)    Write a letter or visit grandparents or extended family, tell them of your advent tradition

23)   Take cookies to a nursing home and sing some Christmas carols

24)   Go to a Christmas play

25)   Read the story of “The Christmas Coat” (it’s on beliefnet.com) – not for Santa Claus believers

26)   Read about St. Nicholas, lover of the poor and patron saint of children.

27)   Go sledding together

28)   Shovel/rake an elderly person’s sidewalk/yard

I hope you feel encouraged to observe advent this Christmas season. There is no wrong way to do it , and there are no advent police. It's an opportunity to enjoy the peace that is offered to us through the gift of Christ. May that be the focus of your season.

Remember

At dinner tonight our conversation turned toward 9-11 and what happened 10 years ago. I found myself sharing with my children my memories and emotions of that day. They listened intently as I told them about how that day started as a beautiful September morning. I had been getting Jenna (my three and a half year old) ready for her 1^st day of preschool and feeding her baby brother. I had turned on the TV to hear the weather, and from the next room, noticed confusion and worry in the voice of Katie Couric. I recalled for them the sinking feeling of knowing something was very, very wrong and that the world had changed in a single moment. I told them all I remembered, and they sat captivated.

I told them of the heroes of Flight 93, and how one of them was Todd Beamer, a man we had gone to college with.

We remembered.

I hope you get to remember with your children this weekend.

"The attacks of September 11th were intended to break our spirit. Instead we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic, and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined than ever to live our lives in freedom." -Rudolph Giuliani, former mayor of NYC

Taking Away Class Rank?

Yesterday, I read that they are considering removing class ranking from the Wadsworth High School. No valedictorian, only recogognition for being in the top 10% of the class. Proponents claim that the ranking system causes unhealthy competition and makes students who strive for a high rank feel obligated to take honors classes that they aren't really interested in.

There is so much to be said on something like this because it strikes at the heart of a philosophy that has infiltrated our society. This is, in fact, the same philosophy that accounts for talentless people making fools of themselves on "American Idol" and then reacting to the judges harsh critique with indignance.


They have never been told, "Not good. You are going to have to work a lot harder if you want to be good at this."


Don't get me wrong, I am not for crushing the spirit of children. Absolutely not. Young children need to be encouraged, built up and motivated in order to instill in them a "can do" attitude. Children have a small platform of experience to stand on...we should never push them off it with harsh criticism as they are trying to build their skills.


However, as they grow through the "I know it all" tweens and into the "I really know it all" teens, and head toward adulthood, at some point, they need to learn to handle critiques (especially when they are honest and accurate) without their spirits getting crushed. The infiltrating philosophy that I mentioned earlier is this: No one has a right to tell me I'm bad at something. Unfortunately, enforcing this philosophy requires ignoring and not recognizing those who excel, so that those who don't, won't feel badly. It seems to me this philosophy is what fuels the desire to take away class rank.


Some kids are self-motivated learners who will take the honors classes anyway, others students need a carrot dangled in front of them in order to make those challenging classes worth it. Taking away the ranking system is taking away the biggest carrot. The benefits of succeeding in an honors class go on and on, but it is all delayed gratification, which isn't the first choice of most teenagers. Taking away something that helps students choose the difficult route over the easy route is only hurting the students, and ultimately, our country.

Does this relate to homeschooling? Absolutely. Making sure our children have the experiences that teach them to self evaluate AND accept the constructive criticism of others, is a necessary part of their education to prepare them for life beyond graduation. One way I do this is by having my children involved in ACSI events (spelling bees, speech meets, art festivals, etc...) where their efforts are evaluated by a professional, who is not me. The judges are trained to give appropriate feedback based on the age and experience of the students. Other ways include having my kids grade their own math (and fix every mistake) and discuss each others writing assignments, both of which makes my job easier. More importantly, these things make them more willing to see the good and the bad in what they do without getting their spirits crushed.

The Planning Begins...

I'm beginning to work out our school schedule for next year. Sigh. (Didn't summer just start?)


This will be my first year officially teaching all 4 of my children. Years ago, I made a chart that showed what grades I would be teaching thoughout my homeschool years. Out of my possible 21 years of homeschooling, (IF my kids homeschooled through high school), only 5 of those years will incorporate all 4 children. I hate to get nostalgic, but really, only 5 years all together? I need to make the best of this time. These are the years I will want them to remember.

That has to be my first thought as I begin to plan out the logistics of teaching 4 different grades and running a daycare. What do I want them to really remember? What do I want them to learn?

Saxon Math and Apologia Science are great and all, but is that what kids remember about schooling?


Back when I was teaching only my two eldest, we used Konos Character Unit studies. Those two still talk about making a model of an eardrum out of couch cushions and the medieval feast we had for family and friends. Good times.

So what is it that I want them to learn and to keep in their hearts? I want them to remember how exciting it was to learn and figure something out. I want them to remember that, "Hey I can do this!" feeling so they can use it to conquer other things in life. I want them to be amazed and humbled by the complexity and vastness of God's creation. I want them to wonder more about God and try to understand His ways. I want them to be curious.


Yes, I want them to be well educated in the required subjects, but as I plan the year, I need to make sure I include many of those memorable things that will direct them to the track we are aiming for. I'm not yet sure how I will do it; in fact, I'm quite sure that this task is far more than I can handle on my own. But I know I am not on this journey alone and I know God wants His best for my children even more than I do. He will provide the wisdom, strength and the discernment I need to pull together a year that will sharpen the minds and intrigue the souls of my children. It begins with prayer and takes root with lots of planning. It's not easy, but the great things rarely are.


Have fun planning!